i have the internet connection back, for now at this hour.

i just like the feeling of my fingers hitting the keyboard. finally feel the tip of my fingers. almost too weird.

and i wont be moving. for a split moment, a rush of relief came over me but is this a good idea? will this do us good in the long run? or maybe a deep part of me, feared. like all humans, i am afraid of changes.

nothing life or death happen to me. lie awake at 5 this morning. staring into the darkness. i thought of marriage. everyone talks about ideal wedding and partner but god knows, nothing close to ideal will happen in reality. besides the surface of i-want-you-want-everybody-wants, what is it actually?

for one, i never sit and daze about my wedding dress or wedding band. i am always mainstream about things like these, classics; just like my bags and shoes. for me, wedding is just a phrase. marriage is another. how do two make it work?

kenny was putting up his uniform last sunday. he merely made a comment, 'babe, you gotta do this for me after we get married.' i almost choke. i mean, yes, it's prolly a sweet gesture but is the universe trying to say, after being hitched, i have inexplicable duties that i should do and need not be told about? and no, i am not complaining but i am pondering hard, who, what, when and why or perhaps how these inexplicable duties tiptoed across the room? rather puzzled, i shall say.

sometimes in life, things are just so fine that we cant tell them apart. we had encounter several heated arguments about little things in life that parents and school did not point out when we were 8 but since day 1, we know we only have 'a' mom. the worse situation besides cheating is being called a 'mom'. does this comes with the package too?

and so many so many reasons for failed marriages.

do you still wanna get married?